The Honeymoon Phase: Slow Down to Go the Distance

Every little mannerism or thing she does is beyond adorable. Every statement he utters is worthy of a Nobel Prize. They're so wonderful, understanding, charming and miraculously you seem to agree on everything.

We've all been there. Welcome to the honeymoon phase. Many relationships start off peachy keen. It's a joyous time during those first three to six months. However, it may come to a grinding halt when you realize that perhaps you aren't a fan of sauteed mushrooms like she is or that he does have a habit of popping his knuckles at red lights.

Some relationships survive the end of the honeymoon period, others fall by the wayside. There's no need to feel bad if your coupledom didn't have the fuel for the long run and the relationship loses steam. Believe it or not, that how love works. Romantic love wasn't meant to last forever -- it's there to fire up the engines to assist in the matching process.

So, how can you survive this period and keep the love alive? Good question. The answer is to do novel things together. Novelty drives up levels of dopamine, a brain chemical that is associated with arousal, motivation and goal-orientated behavior . . . the stuff love is made of.

Just in case it does turn out to be a false start, pace yourself during the honeymoon stage. Don't spend every spare moment with your new crush. Your friends and family aren't there to fill in the gaps until that special someone comes along.

Remember, you are in the "getting to know" you stage. You might decide that this is not the right person for you and will have to return to your old single life. If you've blown off your friends and your work has suffered, don't expect to find things exactly as you left them.

Also, keeping your own life going while you are in the honeymoon courtship phase take the pressure off the other person to be your everything.

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Long Distance Detour: Why Love From Afar Could Bring You Closer

So you’ve just met your PERFECT Match (Thank you It’s Just Lunch®!). You two connected from day one, the dates are flowing like Champagne (the real good stuff from France), and you feel like the pace of your relationship is at the perfect speed for your life right now (no nauseating NASCAR thrill rides but definitely not stuck in the slow lane either).

In fact, it is going "pinch me great" until you turn the corner and find an unexpected detour sign that reads a lot like "Promotion: Prepare to Travel More & Longer." Drats.

More time on the road without you, ahead. 

Your wonderful (and successful) someone is going to be traveling a lot more. Cue the gritting of teeth and the Journey songs. But before you throw up your hands and start desperately looking for an off-ramp, here are some real Detour Details.

In the first 3 months of dating. 37% of couples can find themselves in some sort of long distance relationship (versus the disgustingly happy couples that live in the same town).

In the first 6 months, that number can reach 42%.

After 8 months, that number falls to 11%*.

The results of the complete study found that the staying power, of a compatible couple dealing with long distance, was just as strong as those couples who never were apart. So It’s Just Lunch® wants to let you know that long distance detours don’t mean the end of the dating road trip-just a change of scenery.

To keep the spark alive in your long distance relationship, here are a few tips:

Log Some Online Face Time
The benefits of video calling are well-known but setting aside time for a Cyber Date Night takes it above and beyond. Don't treat it like just a call. Take the time to interact with one another. Let there be pauses and the usual winding conversation that goes beyone what you did today and plans for tomorrow. It is the sharing, exploring that will help to cement the bond even from afar.

Emails, Texts
These are little things that can go the distance in telling your loved one that you miss them or are thinking about them.

Join Them For The Weekend
While you may not be able to travel for their entire trip, join them in the city for the weekend. Turn it into a couples retreat rather than just a business trip.

Make the Return Special
Plan something fantastic for the two of you to enjoy upon the other's return. This will give you both something to look forward to and plan. Anticipation ups the excitement ante.

Happy Dating!


*Study conducted by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships

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Under Pressure: Why Singles Settle For "Not the One"

One of the most common dating mistakes singles make is putting too much pressure on themselves.

You're on a date.The conversation has been stilted. There was plenty of awkward silence. You don't necessarily feel the chemistry. There's nothing wrong with the other person but you can't shake the lukewarm feeling.

In fact, you had a bit more excitement on the last job interview. At least the other person asked you a question or two. Listened to your responses.

While it wasn't the date of your dreams, it's the only one you have been on in awhile. Since you weren't completely bored to tears, you accept their proposal for a second date.

WHY? 

Pressure. This happens a lot with people who don't have a lot of connection to other singles or those who are tiring of the dating scene and just want it done. They meet someone and think, "I've got to make this work. It could be six months before I find someone else even remotely interesting. I want to be off the market."

It's kind of like the seller who reduces the price on their home to get rid of it at a loss. Just like with the seller, the market will eventually change for you.

The key here is that you don't "settle" for "not the one" but take steps to change the market. Tell your friends, family that you are looking for someone. Widen your net. Seek opportunities to meet new people at classes, gallery openings or at film screenings.

For those who find the process a bit daunting, consider hiring a matchmaker to make the process a bit easier. They have plenty of singles in their database and you can relax, take the pressure of making something work.

Want to date without the pressure? Contact us at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or by phone at 1-416-703-3900.

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Create a Ripple Effect in Your Dating Life

Do you know why it's smart to talk to anyone, anywhere, even if that person doesn't seem to be your type? Well, if you throw a pebble into the dating pool, it can have a significant ripple effect that is sure to benefit you.

Having a genuine interest in getting to know new people and keeping an open mind while you're networking might end up being more valuable than you think. You never know who that person might introduce you to in the future. Similarly, if you meet someone you like, but you don't feel a love connection, why not offer to set him or her up with a friend? One good turn deserves another, I say.

Think twice before you turn down an invitation to a party or an opportunity to expand your network of friends and potential dates. Seek like-minded people who can introduce you to colleagues of a similar quality. Expanding your network will ensure a life rich with opportunity and happy times.

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Keep It Simple: Go Back to the Basics of Dating

Some people say technology has shifted our dating experiences. The introduction of apps and social media means that people don't have to be introduced face-to-face with a brief 90 word description at a cocktail mixer by a mutual friend.

Others say that 30s is the new 20s, where people are waiting a decade or two before looking for the one. More years means more knowledge about what we want in our lives . . . and that makes it harder to find the one. 

And there are a few that says the rules always seem to be in flux. Do I call her? Text her? What if she doesn't IM back? Do I wait before making a move?

Here's my thought on all the above: it doesn't have to be that complicated. 

Let's look at the simple definition of dating: getting to know someone better and figuring out if you want to see them again. That's all that has to happen on a date. 

The dating world hasn't changed. It still honors the basics that you learned in kindergarten: Be yourself. Laugh at the things your find funny. Tell someone you like them. Share your opinions. Wear your geeky t-shirt. Let people know the real you.

Don't fall into the "what ifs" or "should Is" spiral. If you want to see them again, tell them. If you want to talk to them, call them. If you want to meet them for coffee, ask them. 

It's really that simple.

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Ideas for People You Love (But Can't Date or Marry) or Care A Lot About

Valentine's Day is not just about being in a relationship.  It's not just about a boyfriend or a girlfriend.  It is about showing those you care about that you love them and are grateful they are in your life.

Free - Wrap your favorite book (Life's Little Instruction Book, Grimm's Fairy Tale or To Kill a Mockingbird) in happy bright paper and enclose a little note "This is one of my favorite books and you're my favorite friend."

Free - Clean out your closet and take 10 great items to a local thrift store or your local women's shelter.

Free - Give your time.  Volunteer at a local community center, senior center or even Legion Hall. Make a difference in someone's life.

Under $10 - Buy a few boxes of cupcake mix, pick up some cherry vanilla frosting and pink icing.  February 13th, bake the cupcakes, frost and decorate by drawing hearts on each cupcake with pink icing.  Take the sweet treats to friends and family, a local nursing home or even your neighbors.

Under $40 - Purchase a new game and your favorite bottle of wine.Invite friends or neighbors over for game night.

Over $100 - Sign up your mom, your grandma and yourself up for a unique cooking class like how"How to Make Chicken Fried Steak" or "Learning to Make Sushi Rolls".

The goal here is to focus on what you have and not what you think your life is lacking. You have love and friendships . . . work on those relationships and you will be surprised as to what will happen to your life overall. 

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Wait! 3 Reasons to Hold Off on Getting Engaged on Valentine's Day

It's easy with red paper heart decorations popping up in grocery stores and window displays at the mall to start thinking about popping the question. But before you invest in a ring or practice taking a knee, there are a few things to consider.

Why Are You Asking?

Is it because you can see yourself together for many years to come? Can you imagine investing in a house, two cars, a family and eventually a retirement home . . . together? Or are you feeling a bit of pressure from the lover's holiday? Family? Your significant other? If you are considering proposing for any other reason than the want to start a life with them, can it. It will save you heartache in the long run. Because it's the 14th is never a good reason.

Is It Love or Settling?

Surprisingly, many people fall into the trap of committing to someone because "they will do." Maybe they are tired of dating. Perhaps a person believes this is as good as it is going to get for them in the love department (usually a self-esteem issue). Either way, many people find themselves "settling" for what they believe is the best they can get. Times have changed. We are no longer fishing for a mate in our backyard ponds. With the Internet and openness to move, the dating pool is huge. If you aren't gaga over the guy or gal in your life, reel in the relationship and recast your line. You (and the other person) will be happier for it.

Go For Broke -- Just Not on Valentine's Day

I know. I know. It's a day of romance. Florist, card shops and chocolatiers love it. If you want to make an impression on your significant other, don't follow the recipe of doing the deed on a commercial holiday. Make it special for the two of you. Take the proposal up a notch but avoiding the cliche of doing it on February 14th. Create a special day that is just for the two of you.

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Fear of Being Single and Dating for the Sake of Valentine's Day (or any Holiday)

With Valentine's Day and all the hub bub associated with the February holiday, it is easy to feel the twinges of discontent at one's single status.

But celebrating the 14th isn't all roses for some couples. In fact, recent research from the University of Toronto says it could be a symbol for those who settle for second best in a relationship only to avoid their greatest fear of being alone.

According to the research as reported in an article on CBC.ca, people were willing to settle for less than their ideals  in order to have someone there. Bluntly stated, they would rather be miserable than alone.

This fear is grounded in societal pressures and expectations that have been present since our ancestors started creating tribes. From parents looking for grandbabies to the images furnished by Hollywood flicks, we are inudated with pressures to pair off.

The irony comes from the fact that many of the people afraid to strike out on their own actually feel alone even in their relationship. You've heard the expression of  it's "like living with a stranger" or "we're just two ships passing in the night."

The key here is to realize that no relationship is better than the wrong one. If your partner isn't making you a better person or lifting you up, it is time to hit the bricks.

You can only change your romantic story if you start on the journey. If you find yourself in less than an ideal situation, don't let the fear of not having someone keep you tied down. Use this Valentine's Day to celebrate yourself and the new direction you are headed.

Resources:

• CBC.ca: Why Being Single Can Lead to Bad Choices

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Dating: Worth Taking the Risks

“I encourage you to live with a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.” -- from Dr. Wayne Dyer in his book, Pulling Your Own Strings.

We all have "the one who got away" in our dating histories. The gal or guy who was perfect for us but we were too scared, hesitant to tell them. Those moments where we wish we had been braver, spoke up and believed in ourselves more.

Oh, we resolve to confess our hearts to the next one only to blanket ourselves in caution once again. Our chance at love is lost due to our fears of rejection. 

According to Margie Warrell, author of Brave, "we are innately risk averse and afraid of putting our vulnerability on the line. The status quo, while not particularly fulfilling, can seem like an easier, softer, less scary, option."

Although we can't 100% control when or how we'll find love, one thing's for sure, we won't ever meet The One if we refuse to get out of our comfort zone and take a few risks. This means talking to the cute barista. This means saying "yes" to coffee with a friend of a friend's cousin who is in town. This means approaching "yet another" first date with excitement. 

Break free of the status quo. Do something different. Do something brave. Be vulnerable. Take a risk. 

"The One" will thank you for it.

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Why You're Not That Into Him (or Her)

There's a guy who is into you. SO into you. He's texting for a first date or possibly even contacting you for a second date. You think to yourself that it was a fun date or part of you thinks "what will it hurt?" to see him.

But you can't ignore the feeling that there is something missing. A feeling that there is something more out there. This little voice is saying that he or she isn't the person you have envisioned.

Does this sound familiar? You don't have to raise your hand. We know. You are not the first and it is a reoccurring theme among daters -- male and female.

What it comes down to is that dream girl or guy you have envisioned as being the perfect match for you (oh, and doesn't exist) is competing for your affection with the real life person standing before you. In order to see your match as being your potential dream partner, you have to let go of your dating expectations.

Letting Go of Dating Expectations
Your dream gal or guy was created without the usual difficulties that arise during real relationships such as prior dating baggage, work schedules, long distances, conflicting political views and financial woes.

The truth of it is, it is the bothersome elements and problematic issues of the mundane everyday that help a couple grow, bond and enhance their relationship. Loving someone even though they don't pick up their socks or have a habit of picking their teeth at the table is just one of the many hurdles to something deeper, richer and more fulfilling.

They key here is to know what your "deal breakers" are. What is important to you, such as having kids or being a hockey fan? What qualities are in your dream guy? If your top three or four top qualities are present, say yes to the date.

Give your date the benefit of the doubt and look beyond what they may lack or perhaps something you aren't a fan of to see the genuine person they are. Opening your mind will open your heart to possibilities.

Good luck!

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Make 2016 Your Best Dating Year -- Call Me!

My Facebook feed on New Year's Day was full of hope that 2016 would be an awesome year. They are going to shed those few pounds, stub out their smoking habit or make reading one book a month a literary habit.

What about your love life? Many people don't post their goals for finding the one, but it ranks up there as one of the most popular new year goals. If you're single and interested in making this year your best one yet, let personalized matchmaking help you reach that goal.

What is Personalized Matchmaking?
Matchmaking takes the personal legwork out of dating by outsourcing “the search” for interesting, like-minded individuals. As your professional matchmaker, it is my job to hand-select matches for you based upon the information given during your initial interview. I also take into consideration the on-going feedback received from you after every date, as dating is a fine tuning process! I'm interested in your desires, goals and what motivates you. Then, I utilize that data combined with my experience and instincts to keep improving your matches.

Who Uses Personalized Matchmakers?
Singles who are short on time, looking to extend their dating circle and looking for a more serious relationship.

SHORT ON TIME
Did you know it takes over TEN HOURS of online dating browsing, texting, chatting before you go on ONE DATE. Even then, there is no guarantee that will be with someone who is interesting and you connect with without Wi-Fi. As I stated before, let me do searching and hand-select a match that you find interesting without the hours of browsing.

FIND LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
I have a lot of clients who are very active in the community and in the business world who come to me specifically because they don't want to date within those circles. It's too uncomfortable or too many gray areas. I get that. Let me introduce you to people will similar goals, interests and likes who are outside your circle of friends but within my database.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
Singles who are ready to make a serious commitment reach out to matchmakers. They are looking to go beyond the "just looking for fun" relationships to someone looking to settle down. They are looking for the one. Just like you.

Sound amazing? Well, here's what you do next . . . CONTACT ME!
Contact me at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or 1-416-703-3900 to schedule a discreet, confidential interview. I want to learn about you and determine what you are looking for in a potential partner. I work directly with busy professionals that are looking for "The One." Our clients range from mid-20s to upper 60s. They are of various ethnic and religious backgrounds, education levels and professions.

Let's make 2016 your best year yet. Let's get started now! Contact me at itsjustlunchtoronto.com or 1-416-703-3900 .

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