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Wednesday 25 March 2015

It Really Does Take Two to Tango!

Tango with its just lunchSome singles have a hard time deciphering whether or not their date is genuinely interested in them. People express themselves differently depending on their personality temperament or even past experiences. In fact, it's not at all uncommon for some singles to mistake attention for affection.

The key to finding out if someone is interested in you as a friend, or possibly more, is through the act of reciprocity. Think about this way. Most people are afraid of rejection, regardless if you're a man or a woman. It really doesn't matter who makes the first move, just as someone as long as someone is making a move to begin with. This gives the other person a chance to respond to the move with further encouragements or a move of his or her own.

For example, simply making eye contact with someone may not be enough to indicate interest, but if you start a conversation with someone, you can gauge their level of interest based on the response. If the person continues to engage with, that person is interested in continuing the conversations until that interest escalates or wanes. However, if the person isn't really engaging with you and is responding with simple, one-word answers, then that person just isn't interested enough to reciprocate.

The common expression "it takes two to tango" has never been more true than in dating and relationships. It's a wonderful dance of give and take to a song that never stops. The next time you meet someone with romantic potential, put out a few feelers in the form of playful comments or potential opportunities to hang out in the future and see if the response you get is favorable or revealing in other ways. 

Wednesday 11 March 2015

Dating Pitfalls: "If Only . . ." Trap

"If only I could win the lottery."
"If only I would've taken that job."
"If only I could meet a nice, job-stable man."
"If only there was a decent girl in Toronto to marry."

Oh, the list goes on. The allure of the "if only" is that we utter it when things aren't going the way we want or expected. It's our way of saying that "if only" this occurred, our lives would be better, fuller, etc.

"The phrase “if only” is the spandex of rationalization. It can stretch as far as we need it to in order to accommodate the list of considerations we want to include," according to an article on Psychology Today entitled "The Two Words You Have to Stop Using" by Peg O'Connor Ph.D.

Those two words can lead you to dwell on the past or ruminate on mistakes without moving forward. It has the power to displace responsibility or take ownership of upcoming events off your shoulders. "If only" takes the reins from you and doesn't allow you to lead yourself down a chosen path to fulfillment.

It can lead to bitterness, resentment and hopelessness in your dating situation. Dating is meant to be fun and full of hope, opportunities and (realistic) expectations.

The three keys from breaking out of the "if only" trap are simple, easy and well worth the effort:

1) Stop Measuring Yourself
Don't dwell on what others have, can do or are wearing. Appreciate what you have to offer in a relationship and know that the right person will recognize it in you. Tell yourself that you are great just the way you are rather than "if only . . .". Leaving a great impression in your mind will actually give you a positive outlook -- on you and dating.

2) Focus on What You Have
It's human nature to find what we are lacking and lament upon it. Instead, shift your perspective and look for what you have. Great friends, excellent job and a great curling draw. By looking for what is right in your world, you stop ruminating on what could be "if only."

3) Postivity Breeds Positivity
Surround yourself with people who treat you with the love and respect you deserve. If you find yourself surrounded by overly critical or negative people, perhaps it is time to do a bit of weeding in your relationships. Dating can be a very vulnerable time and having a supportive, positive network of friends will breed the same in you.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015

The Best Question to Ask on a First Date

Everyone faces challenges, no matter their economic status or age. Talking about them helps us to bond with those around us. In fact, it helps to open the doors to sharing priorities and what is important to them.

According to the former head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program Robin Dreeke via an article by Eric Barker, the best question to ask someone, even on a first date, is about the challenges they face. Dreeke goes on to suggest asking "What kind of challenges did you have at work this week?" or "What kind of challenges do you have living in this part of the country?"

This isn't opening a door for complaining but rather seeing how a person perceives their upcoming obstacles and find ways to overcome them. Be sure to take the role of supportive cheerleader or coach, and don't spiral into a Negative Nelly conversation.

Asking about their challenges shows a geniune interest in their life, and them.

Happy Dating

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