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Whether you are new to the dating scene or recently out of a relationship, IJL Elite dating experts are here to help busy professionals such as yourself find their match.

Wednesday 31 December 2014

New Year's Eve: Give Old Traditions a New Dating Spin

New Year's Eve has taken over from Valentine's Day as the world's most high-pressured and overpriced date night.  During the early throes of a relationship, it is easy to expect to ring in 2015 with a midnight kiss from your new crush.

But perhaps you should start the new year off by marching to a different tune. Not doing the same thing for New Year's Eve date night can open you up to new experiences, new people and new foods. Use your keen sense of adventure for dating . . . and yes, even on this special date night.

Think about foregoing the dress up dinner and champagne toast for a night of bowling, karaoke competition or even a personal countdown at the waterfront.

Be yourself and be comfortable of course, but you don’t have to play it so safe all the time (except with any activity with major vertical drops).  Shed the monotony of watching the ball drop and consider shaking up your new year's plans

Wednesday 17 December 2014

Ask the Matchmaker: How Do I Find My Dream Guy?

Q: How would I go about meeting someone 50- 60 white professional male?
-- Posted to the It's Just Lunch Toronto Facebook page

A: This is one of the more frequent questions I receive from friends, family and even people who I cross paths with at cocktail parties: how do I meet my ideal mate?

The top three challenges singles face when searching for their match is making the time for dating, knowing where to find like-minded people and keeping an open mind during the process.

1) Making Time for Dating
It's been crazy for you. You've had several business projects find their way to your desk, many with tight deadlines. You spend the majority of your day in meetings, traveling to those locations and stuck in traffic for thirty minutes each way for your commute. Your gym card has a fine layer of dust on it. The holidays are coming and you haven't even thought about making plans.

In short, you are in a committed relationship with your job. A growing number of singles are spending long hours at work behind a computer rather than meeting potential matches and developing long-term relationships.

Dating is work -- but you have to put in the hours to reap the benefits.

Make the time. Like taxis and job opportunities, when one appears, a whole slew of others seem to follow. The hardest part is getting started. Step away from that safety zone, return that call and start dating. Your future self will thank you.

2) Develop Interests to Find Interesting People
Interesting singles are all around you. But chances are you are consumed with busy lives and a few insecurities about approaching strangers you find attractive. The key is to notice your surroundings and the people in them. Strike up conversations with the barista, the guy waiting behind you at the store checkout. Having a genuine interest in getting to know new people will be move valuable than you think. You never know who that person might introduce you to in the future.

To meet new people, try taking a new class or say yes to that party invite from the guy down the hall. Branching out, pursuing our interests is the way to find new people with similar interests. In short, break out of your day to day rut to open the doors to new opportunities.

3) Open Yourself Up to the Potentials
One of the most common mistakes I see people making when dating is that they repeatedly date the same type of person and expect different results. Open yourselves up to connecting with people who have similar core values but different professions, backgrounds and interests. That doesn't mean to let go of your deal breakers. Everyone has preferences -- just consider if maybe they are a bit too limiting.

4) Benefits of It's Just Lunch and IJL Elite
Let the experts at It's Just Lunch Toronto do the work for you. A matchmaking service for busy professionals, the matchmakers at It’s Just Lunch take the time to learn what you’re looking for and help you find it. You never know when that low pressure lunch date is going to turn into someone you’d love to take home for the holidays.

We also have a specialized branch, IJL Elite, where executive matchmakers help busy professionals find their match. We are always looking for qualified matches for our clients. Take a moment to fill out the online form and one of our professional matchmakers will follow up with you for a personal and confidential interview. We will take care of all the arrangements and coordinate the first date.

In the end, the road to romance is determined by your focus, willingness to participate and how open you are to potential matches. You are in the driver seat. Be proactive about your dating.

Wednesday 10 December 2014

Four Tips for Finding Love During the Holiday Season

I know the holiday season can be a bit humbug for singles. Family events highlight your solo status and it doesn't help that Aunt Myrtle always asks for an update of your love life when it is clear that it hasn't changed.

The good news is that there is an upside to being single during the holiday season. There are so many events and community activities to get you into the season and shaking off the single blues.

Here are just a few ideas to help you find love during the holiday season:

Give a Little, Get a Little (More)
No matter where you live, there are bound to be charitable organizations nearby who would welcome a new volunteer with open arms. In addition to daily, weekly or monthly events and activities where they need manpower, many charities also host networking and fundraising events that bring all of their volunteers together. Who knows? You may run into someone with a big heart looking to win yours.

Do What You Enjoy Doing, Love Will Follow
Winter time can open the door to new opportunity. Take a curling lesson. Go snowshoeing. Blow the dust off your camera and head for the waterfront. The key is to do what you enjoy doing and not get wrapped up in what you don't have. Believe it or not, when you aren't focused on your status, it has a way of changing on its own.

Give Your Smart Phone a Break
Can you guess how many eligible singles you pass every day in the grocery store, drugstore, or coffee shop who you don’t even notice because you’re checking your email? Be aware of your surroundings. Ask for help, ask for recommendations, chit chat in the checkout line. You never know who you might meet where you least expect it.Worse comes to worse, you walk away with a new friend.

Don't Shy Away From Holiday Events
While they can be daunting, holiday events are actually great ways to connect with friends and make new connections. I guarantee that you will not be the only single in the room and that alone may be worth getting into the spirit of things.

Let the matchmakers at It's Just Lunch Toronto help you find your match! Get started today by calling us at 1-416-703-3900 or visiting our website at www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com

Wednesday 3 December 2014

Single? 4 Ways to Approach the Holiday Season

I know someone who claims to hibernate during the winter because all of the couples she sees snuggling up and keeping each other warm make her want to burrow under her duvet and wait for spring.

Perhaps she, and those like her, should focus on the basics of the holiday: connecting with the people we care about. The spirit of the season is taking a moment out of our busy lives to appreciate those we hold dear. It's not a couples holiday season -- its about community, family and togetherness.

With that thought, here are four simple ways you can recapture the spirit of the holiday season . . . and enjoy it.

1) Reconnect with a good friend
With busy schedules, many of us have fallen out of touch with people we consider to be close friends. While catching up via Facebook or texts can be fun, it is a poor replacement for some one-on-one time.  This holiday season, carve out some time for friends you hold dear. Share a laugh, a moment instead of a picture or a link. Memories last a lifetime.

2) Bit Adieu to Former Loves
The holidays can tempt you into reminiscing about a former love or a recent relationship that just didn't work out. It is easy to reconsider your choice and even contemplate rekindling the romance. Know that this is mostly out of habit or the need to have someone there during the holidays. Before you hit send on the text to an ex, think about all the reasons why the romance fizzled. Sometimes we have to take the focus off finding Mr. or Ms. Right and concentrate, instead, on losing Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

3) Make Love a Priority
Many say they want a relationship but don't have time to date - which begs the question: How will they have time for a relationship if they don't even have time to date? If finding love is a priority to you, you have to be willing to say "yes" to events, parties and get togethers during the holiday season. Only by getting into the mix will you find your holiday honey.

4) Love YOUR life
The best thing you can do for your love life is to love your life! For one thing, you are more likely to attract people since there's nothing sexier than someone who is passionate and engaged in life.  More importantly, though, your life will be more fun and meaningful if you focus on outlets that bring you pleasure. Go sskiing Take a curling lesson. Wander through a craft fair. Indulge in activities that make you happy.

Don’t have time to spend strolling through the park or learning to do the cha-cha? Let the experts at It's Just Lunch Toronto do the work for you. A matchmaking service for busy professionals, our first date experts take the time to learn what you’re looking for and help you find it. You never know when that low pressure lunch date is going to turn into someone you’d love to take home for the holidays.

Let the matchmakers at It's Just Lunch help you find your match! Get started today by calling us at 1-604-633-9980 or click here to tell us a little about yourself.

Wednesday 19 November 2014

Show It's Just Lunch Your Movember 'Stache to Save Cash on a Membership

It's Just Lunch Matchmaking Toronto Movember Stache
'Tis that time of year when men across the world start growing their moustaches to spark conversation and raise vital funds for men's health programs. These programs save and improve the lives of men affected by prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health issues.
According to the Movember Canada website, to date, 4 million moustaches have been grown worldwide.

And in honour of Movember, we would love to see your 'stache! Any man with a moustache who joins It's Just Lunch Toronto during the month of November gets $200 off a one-year membership. PLUS, IJL will match $200 with a donation to the Movember Foundation.

For more details, contact us at 1-416-703-3900 or via our website at www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com

Resources:

Wednesday 12 November 2014

Add a Spark to Your Dating Life with Creativity

When you are in the throes of dating, it is easy to feel like you are in a rut. Each new face is met in the same way - over dinner, lunch, coffee or after work cocktails.

Does this sound like your last date? The one before? How about before that?

Opting for the same, repetitive type of date for each new person can become routine and boring for you. The meal date covers something you both need to do -- eat but rarely touches upon what you find interesting or want to do with another person.

The feeling of boredom or been there done that can actually translate into how you see the other person. They just get added to the blur of dating without being given a chance to stand out.

If you want an exciting dating life, YOU have to make it exciting. When planning a meeting, consider all your options and not just the ones that need a reservation. Consider a walk along the seawall, visit a downtown market or try ice skating.

The more you look forward to the dating event, the more you are looking forward to the person you are going to meet.

Wednesday 5 November 2014

Work from Home? Get Out of the House!

The boundaries between work and home have shifted drastically in recent years. Many of us have found that our career goals can be accomplished from our home office (or breakfast table). What used to be a considered the grind is a luxury that can be done in our bedroom slippers.

The benefits of working from home outweigh the hassles of commuting but ranks very low in the finding love department.

Why? Unless you fall in love with the mail carrier, you will need to step out of the slippers and from the home office to interact with dating prospects.

I know. You're busy. You have conference calls. The slippers are super-comfy. I get it. But here are a few ways you can incorporate a few face-to-face connections with potential matches while furthering your career goals:

1) Schedule a Regular Coffee Break
Has someone ever mentioned that they have seen you around? Or pointed out that the two of you have the same schedule? That comes from habit where your latte schedules have synced up (serendipitous, anyone?).  Establish a routine by frequenting the same places at the same time.  This will allow fellow bachelors and bachelorettes to check you out and know where they'll be able to run into you again.  

2) Network on a New Level
You're job may not even be in the same city or country. While this may make you feel like the odd one out, there are hundreds in the same boat. Connect with other web designs or bloggers at local cafes via Meetup.com or other connection sites. Attend conferences or listen to expert give a talk in your area that helps you foster business contact and gets you in the mix to meet other singles in the city.

3) Schedule Meeting Outside the Home
With WebEX and Facetime, it is easy to plug into meetings that are within our reach to attend in person. Even if you are meeting with a vendor, client or just want to discuss an upcoming project, try to meet outside the home. Every time you go out, you further your chances of meeting the one by 10 fold.

Working from home can shrink our space and create hurdles for meeting new people. The key here is to be aware that it takes a bit more effort to meet new people -- but it is possible.

Wednesday 29 October 2014

Top 3 Dating Tips from It's Just Lunch Matchmakers

Okay, you've got a date. Great! You mustered up the courage to suggest an outing and got a "yes."  Feeling good?

It's perfectly normal to be nervous about looking good, anticipating conversation topics and wondering about post-date etiquette. What if it doesn't go well? What if it does?

Hold on. The truth of it is - dating is way more simple than all that. In fact, dating is about getting to know someone better. You're only goal is to discover whether you want to see them again. That's it.

There are thousands of blogs, articles and websites dedicated to the rules of dating. When it comes down to it, there are three things to keep in mind on your first date with that special someone:

1) Be on Time!
You know what it feels like to wait in a doctor's office. The nerves, tension and anxiety. Imagine adding the fact that maybe the man in the white coat has stood you up and no one is going to call your name. It feels like that. First dates are stressful enough as it is. Make a point to show up on time. If you are delayed, let your date know at the earliest convenience so she/he can adjust their schedule to avoid the "sit and wait" scenario.

2) Dress as You Would an Interview
The goal of an interview is to get on the short list of hire potentials. Dating is like that. You want to present your best foot forward for two reasons. The first is that a presentation of our best selves will leave a good impression on our date. The second is that by looking your best, you will feel your best. If you feel empowered and confident, that will be transferred to your date.

3) 50/50 Rule of Conversation
Spend some time talking, but equally important…. Spend some time listening! Engage in the conversation- ask questions and follow-ups. Be prepared to answer questions with more than just a yes or no.

That's it. The rest of it is enjoying yourself, learning about the other person and seeing where the connection will take you.

Wednesday 22 October 2014

What Are You Dressing As? Approachable Vs Sexy Costumes

From lavish costumes to the electric vibe of the evening, it is easier than normal to approach that special someone on Halloween.

Turns out that while men and women are more attracted to singles in sexy costumes (no surprise, there), they feel that potential matches in funny costumes are much easier to approach. The disparity between attraction and approachable comes down to something I like to call the "in."

The "in" is the tiny token that someone can use to break the ice, further conversation and take a chance at winning you over. It's more than noticing how hot the man dressed in navy uniform looks. It's more about being able to notice something and use that as the launch pad to engage you in conversation.

An "in" doesn't have to be extreme. It's just a way to take your costume to the next level to encourage the approach of interested suitors. Think of Little Red Riding Hood's basket. If Little Red handed out candy to people as a way of starting a conversation,it would also double as an "in" for anyone seeking to talk with her.

The key here is to tone down the sex appeal while giving your outfit a bit more "umph" in the approachable area. What can you do to add a bit more interaction to your costume?


Wednesday 15 October 2014

Dating Post Break-Up: Have Your Story & Make It Short

It's been a long road but you're finally ready to take on the singles' scene after a divorce and the termination of a long-term relationship.

When it comes to discussing your marriage and former spouse, less is more. No matter the circumstances surrounding your divorce, talking about it will only paint you in a bad light. If your ex left you, anything you share could be misconstrued as an unwillingness to let go of your marriage. Conversely, if you instigated the divorce, discussing your departure may make you appear callous. Either way, your date will likely see red flags waving.

The key here is to focus on connecting with your date and letting them get to know you rather than feeling you need to explain your status or setting the record straight on your first marriage.

However, if your date prods you with repeated questions about your marriage, respond vaguely and concisely à la, "We married too young and grew apart" or "Our lives just started moving in different directions." Then change the topic immediately. To divert additional questioning, politely add, "Thanks for your interest, but I'd much rather spend our time getting to know you."

If you continue to see each other, further discussion about past relationships will likely ensue but initially, daters should concentrate on their potential future together as opposed to excavating their pasts.

Place your past firmly behind you by stepping away from your old life and moving enthusiastically toward your new one!

Wednesday 8 October 2014

Dating Mistake: Judging Your Date

Which dating mistake is the most common?
1) Talking too much
2) Too high expectations
3) Judging your date
4) Spilling your history (too open)

According to a survey of singles, the majority said judging ones date was the most common error they made (35%).

In the TV show Love Story, the couple is introduced while giving viewers a VIP seat to their thoughts. Peter (Jake McDorman) judges women walking down the street by his desire to sleep with them while Dana (Analeigh Tipton) judges their purses.

We've all done it, especially while in the midst of dating. Shallow, stereotypical and incredibly insensitive as it may be, we often make the mistake of judging the person on the other side of the table negatively without giving them a chance.

Passing judgment on someone is really about finding the areas in which they are lacking or qualities that you don't approve of. It is like putting up a hurdles in front of love matches, and expecting them to fail to reach the finish line.

Pre-judging your date or looking for the negative is a way of finding the area to reject someone before they have a chance to do it to you. It's like laying the foundation for why it wouldn't work out before you even order an appetizer.

If you find yourself prejudging your date, there are a few things you can do to break the negative cycle:

1) Focus on the Positive
You mind has quickly tallied a list of what your date doesn't have or you find less than stellar. Force it to look for something positive. Strong handshake? Saying "bless you" when you sneeze (even if it was because you are allergic to the stem he brought you)? Learn to zero in on the positives.

2) Practice Mindful Dating
Don't fast forward to the end of the date where you must decide whether or not to see this person again. Mindful dating means you are in the present and focused on what is being discussed right now. You are actively listening to the other person and in the moment with them. Don't worry about the possibility of rejection or what you are going to do post-date. Live now. In the moment.

3) Flexibility is Key
Okay, so not every first date blossoms into the relationship of the century. Truth of it is, many of them will end in a fizzle of communication where texting, emails and calls just decline to nothing. Instead of looking at it in all or nothing terms, dating or not, think of it as making a new friend. So you two don't mix in the love department -- doesn't mean you can't be movie buds or attend art galleries together. You never know where the current situation will take you. Stay flexible and open. Skip the rejection scenario.

Wednesday 24 September 2014

The "Fizzle" of Modern Dating

According to an article on Thought Catalogue.com, modern dates start with a text, IM or email before progressing to the "meeting" stage. Then, technology connections continue right up until the date. The big event happens. Dinner is consumed. Exchange of pleasantries or cheek pecks at the end of the night. Then a few texts the next day or two.

And then the "fizzle" happens.  This occurs "when one or both parties slowly begin to respond less and less to the other’s texts. Sometimes the feeling is mutual. Sometimes one person is interested and the other is clearly not. It continues to a point where the texting just stops. And just like that, it is over."

The fizzle avoids the "talk" where you tell the person that you aren't interested or that there isn't much chemistry between you. It's like the slow decline that transitions the relationship from "can't wait to meet you" to no longer talking.

While it sidesteps the confrontation, there is still a bit of rejection and awkwardness. The other party is checking their phone to see if you have texted and asking friends to send a text just to make sure their handheld technology is working as it should.

The fizzle and its frustrations can be handled directly by using a bit of old school etiquette. If at the end of the date you don't see this going any where, don't make false promises about what comes next. Be honest. Tell them what you enjoyed about meeting them and let them know that you don't feel the chemistry.

If you are interested but caught in the "fizzle" stage, drop your date one follow-up email or text. If you don't get a response, cut your emotional ties right away. Don't dwell on what may have gone wrong or assume you know why the other person has disappeared from your inbox. There are other people out there waiting in the wings to meet you.

If it ends with the fizzle or with face-to-face conversation, don't sweat it. There are tons of other singles out there. Shake it off and get back into the dating pool.

In the end, it comes down to treating the other person with respect and kindness. Be honest and treat them as you would want to be treated.

Wednesday 17 September 2014

6 Ways to Be More Present with Your Date

We've all seen it. There's a good chance we have all done it. The couple at a table at the local coffee house or sharing a table at the local pub. Instead of smiling and engaged in a lively discussion, the man and woman's eyes are glued to the screen of their smartscreens. They are reading wall posts, Tweets and RSS feeds from people miles away.

Time and again, in surveys and in raw feedback from clients, we hear about technology getting in the way of the dating process. Literally. This includes taking a call or answering a text during dinner. It includes sharing pics of your meal via social media. It includes picking up your digital lifeline every time there is a notification.

Do we need to be in constant connection with the world that we forget the ones right in front of us?

Technology has its place, but it doesn't have to be between two people trying to connect on a first date or during their 12th year of marriage. It's within our power to use it wisely.

To that end, here are six ways to be more present with your date:

1) When you are on a date, be ON THE DATE. Don't just put your phone on the table. Put it in your purse, leave it in the car or turn it off. Once it is out of site, it's less likely to distract you and it shows your date that they are a priority. Focus on the person sitting across from you.Make the evening about them and not just use them to fill the gaps between notifications.

2) Explain situations to your date. I know that there isn't a separation between work and personal time sometimes. Or perhaps the children are torturing the babysitter. Tell your date the issue. "I've been waiting on a call from my boss to see if I have to fly out on Thursday for a meeting in Toronto. If he calls, I need to answer, but it will only be a moment. For now, tell me about yourself (or your day)."

3) Create boundaries and keep them. Don't be on your best behaviour regarding phone etiquette for the first or second date before lapsing into your handheld obsession. Always put the other person first.

4) Ask open ended questions. Show them that you are interested in them and what they have to say. Ask questions about them, their likes or weekend activities that go beyond a one-word answer. It shows you are into them, and it will make them a bit more into you.

5) When your attention wanes, remember to respect the other person. Sometimes on a first date, there isn't much in the way of chemistry. Or perhaps you just aren't in the mood for another encounter at the token Italian restaurant. Instead of turning your attention to the TV over their shoulder, the girl at the table next to yours or even your phone, remember the Golden Rule and treat your date the way you would want to be treated. Being present for an hour may reveal that the two of you had more in common than you originally thought.

6) The eyes have it. Where your eyes are is where your attention is. Eye contact and a great smile will disarm many anxious dates.

These tips are really nothing more than manner reminders. If someone has made the effort to meet you for a casual dinner date, make sure they are meeting the best of you.

Wednesday 3 September 2014

Clear the Self-Doubt Dating Hurdles - Trust Yourself More

Whether it is the time you turned down a promotion because you didn't think you could do it or started biting your nails again because you believed you lacked the discipline to kick the handy habit, we've all been plagued by self-doubt.

Self-doubt is the little voice that leads you to believe you can't, shouldn't try or that you will without a doubt fail. It's the voice that says what you have to offer won't be perfect, that someone won't instantly love you and that everything you do is subject for judgement.

According to an article on FastCompany.com regarding overcoming self-doubt, "failure, not being perfect, mistakes, not having people agree with me, not being completely accepted: these are not negative things. They’re positive."

Wait . . .rejection positive? Exposure to rejection helps us to see things beyond our immediate world. Rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you -- it just means your personality traits or values aren't in league with someone elses. It means you are unique and that you don't have to fit within the "norm" to find someone who loves you.

By seeing rejection as maybe more of a "non-compatible" sign, we can get over the fear and self-doubt of dating. Embrace meeting someone and seeing the world through their unique perspective as a learning experience and not one of judgment.

The article by Leo Babauta suggests that with practice, we can start to jump over the self-doubt hurdles that hold us back. He also believes we should:


  • Push past our discomfort and find healthy ways to deal with it
  • Learn to trust yourself more (you're better, smarter and stronger than you believe)
  • Go into situations not knowing the outcome - be okay with that
  • Learn, fail, repeat


Dating is about getting to know someone a bit better. The true benefit of dating is that you also get to know yourself better.


Resources: 

Wednesday 20 August 2014

Dating & Networking: All About Connections

Whether you are looking for potential clients, a new job or even potential investors, your professional and social networks can deliver help when you need it.

Each of us have "liked" a company page at the urging of a friend to support his start-up. We have all flashed the "six degrees" card when trying to score an interview or even a meeting with a company manager.

However, reaching out, even out of the blue, can feel a bit awkward at best. If its been awhile, or not at all, it can be a bit like fishing. You toss out the bait and hope it hooks them.

Well, like networking, dating is about trying to make that stellar first impression with a stranger on the other side of the screen, phone or friendship circle. It is our intention to make one that stands out above the others without coming across as sketchy or stalker like.

The secret in standing out, whether it is in the dating and job hunting pool, is to provide a peek into what makes you unique and offer value. So, how do you do that? Well, here are a few simple tips:

1) Ask Genuine Questions
Instead of skimming the person's profile, getting the gist of what they are saying during appetizers, ask questions that not only express your interest in their interests but which go beyond "yes" or "no" response. Thing of it as you "biting on the line" they threw out there. Showing genuine interest in someone, as we learned last week, is the easiest way for the other person to develop an interest in you.

2) Follow Up with Value
Whether it is after a first date or a coffee date with a CEO executive, make sure you follow up with a piece of value. This can be a link to an article you discussed, the YouTube video that was mentioned or perhaps just a snippet of a story you read that reminded you of them. Remember, authentic is the key. Don't flood their emails boxes with every article you can find about knitting -- find things that are like subway tokens which will gain you a bit more access to them.

3) It's All About Connections
So, the date wasn't ideal. There may not have been chemistry. However, the world is small and it is better to make a friend than an enemy. The reason for this is simple, while the two of you aren't destined to be -- the other person could be the link that reveals a new dating opportunity. Maybe your failed date's best friend is also looking for that special someone which could result in a referral for you. Just as in networking, we're "linked in" to one another and it is through our connections that we meet new people.

4) Know the Bigger Picture
Often times, people are dating or seeing many people. The dating pool is large and there are many people testing the waters. If you don't get an answer right away, don't be discouraged. The truth of it is, it may be a hectic week at work or they may be studying for an exam. People have lives and you should too. Send an email but don't release a send storm on their in-box. Give it time.

Good luck!

Wednesday 13 August 2014

Get Your Flirt On: Show Genuine Interest in People

I am going to let you in on a little secret. One of the biggest dilemma's I face as a professional matchmaker is professional clients who feel like they don't know how to flirt. 

Singles, whether they are just wading into the dating pool or recently out of a long-term relationship, view flirting in such a narrow capacity that it almost hinders their inherent ability to do it. In fact, they do it everyday at work and don’t even recognize it as a form of flirting; they think they're just being friendly, which of course they are. After all, there is definitely an element of friendliness that’s assumed when people flirt.

Flirting is simply a lighthearted interaction between two people as if they are attracted to each other, though attraction is by no means a prerequisite for flirting. In most cases, people flirt to express romantic interest in someone or to reciprocate such interest. In many other cases, people do it for for fun, to make someone smile or to give themselves an ego boost perhaps. However, flirting can also be used as a great relationship building tool in more professional settings when used strategically.

So, now that you know the basic definition of flirting, I am going to reveal the key to the fine art: sucess lies in having an authentic charm about you. The easiest way to turn up your charm is to be genuinely interested in people. What fascinates you most about people, the way they think, or the things that make them tick? Ask them questions; some people love talking about themselves. Another way to turn up the charm is by simply remembering people’s names. When meeting people for the first time, be sure to repeat their name at least three times during the initial conversation to help you remember it.

Be authentic. Ask genuine questions that go beyond the weather, what they do for a living or who they know at the cocktail party. Seek to know where they got those fascinating earrings or what they like to grow in their garden. 

 The most important thing to remember about flirting for success is to keep it light, fun and positive while being empathetic to other people’s feelings. If you can do this, then you will flirt the way flirting was supposed to happen - naturally and effortlessly.

Want to achieve more success with dating? Visit www.itsjustlunchtoronto.com where you can outsource your dating life to professional matchmakers who will help you meet more of the kind of people you want to meet--smart, professional singles who have their life together and are ready for a relationship with the right person.

Wednesday 6 August 2014

Pump Up the Music Before Your First Date

Whether it is on the drive to that new Italian restaurant or while you are putting the final touches on your makeup at home, many of us turn up the tunes to give our spirits a bit of a lift before a first date.  It may even give you a bit of a confidence boost.

Turns out, this effect isn't all in your head. Recent research says that music can make us feel powerful -- and the levels of bass are a determining factor.

"As published today in Social Psychological and Personality Science, the researchers found that the high-power music not only evoked a sense of power unconsciously . . .

"We chose to manipulate bass levels in music because existing literature suggests that bass sound and voice are associated with dominance," Hsu says. They also observed that bass sound and voice are frequently utilized in popular culture to project perceptions of dominance and confidence. (Think James Earl Jones as Darth Vader in Star Wars.)," according to a press release on the study.

So, why would drumming on the steering wheel to Queen's "We Will Rock You" help you with the upcoming first date? It influences the illusion of control, or that you have the choice of how the evening turns out. You are in the driver seat on the direction of the upcoming date. The outcome depends upon you.

Get down. Get funky. It will help raise your spirits and your confidence for your date!


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Wednesday 30 July 2014

Open Yourself Up to Intention: How to Find Love When You're Not Looking

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine who grew tired of the dating scene. Her and three friends were traveling in a pack, visiting bars or attending events that held false promises of her finding her match. It got to the point that she felt like dating was draining her energy and the bonding out of her friendships.

It was at this frustrating point that my friend decided she needed to invest in something other than happy hour Mai Tais at the local singles scene. She wanted to go hiking in California and scuba diving in Belize. She wanted time to read her favorite books or try recipes her mother was fond of sending her every week. She wanted to find someone who was more in line with her lifestyle than syncing up happy hour with their schedule.

So, she laced up her hiking boots. She plugged in her blender. But most of all, she invested in herself. As fate would have it, my friend met her future husband during that diving trip to Belize.

It has a lot to do with your INTENTION. The moment you become open and accessible to meeting new people, miraculously, potential dates begin to materialize all over the place -- often when you least expect it. Even in Belize.

Every time you get out of the house and meet someone new, it sets off a domino effect that generates new opportunities. Open yourself up to intention.

Wednesday 23 July 2014

Create a Ripple Effect to Make Waves in Your Dating Life


We all know that dating is a numbers game and the more you get out and into the mix, the likelier it is you will cross paths with Mr. or Mrs. The One. It's also smart to talk to anyone, anywhere, even if that person doesn't seem to be your type.

In short, if you throw a pebble into the dating pool, it can have a significant ripple effect that is sure to benefit your status.

A 30-year-old female friend of mine recently met a 60-year-old woman at an art exhibit. Even though the older woman was twice her age, the two ladies found they had many things in common, including their taste in art. The woman later introduced our friend to her nephew and  . . . the rest is history.

Having a genuine interest in getting to know new people and keeping an open mind while you're networking might end up being more valuable than you think. You never know who that person might introduce you to in the future.

Reconsider that party invite before declining. Stay a few extra minutes at that after-work cocktail mixer. Seek like-minded people who can introduce you to colleagues of a similar quality. Expanding your network will ensure a rich life with opportunities and happy times.

Thursday 17 July 2014

Single & Available? Share It With Your Friends

Many people know exactly what they want from their careers and have a clearly defined set of goals. They aren't afraid to approach the bossman for a promotion or when they are seeking new challenges to expand their skill set. They create vision boards (even if they are only in the minds) of where they want to be in five years.

But when it comes to finding a partner, so many of us leave it to chance. What? If you want to turn your dating life around, you're going to have to invest a bit of time and effort.

The first and the easiest step is to tell people in your circle that you are on the market and looking for that special someone. Tell friends, coworkers, hairdressers and even the neighbors. Spread the word.

I'm not telling you to make a big deal of it or that your single status should be the only thing you discuss. Bring it up casually in the conversation. Don't shy away from the topic.

If you keep it secret, chances are they won't think of you when someone else less shy brings it up in conversation.

We're not peacocks with plumes and special mating dances to know when we are available. So, throw it out there into the winds and see how fate will bring it back to you.

Wednesday 9 July 2014

Refile Your Relationships to Find Love

"That's my neighbor, John."
"Rita? Just a girl from work."
"He's just a friend."

It's human nature for us to label, categorize and slot people into narrowly defined files within our mental relationship Rolodex.

Case in point: Actress Cameron Diaz and her current beau, Good Charlotte founder and member Benji Madden, have been friends since the 41-year-old actress was dating Justin Timberlake. The two of them have only recently started dating after they realized they may have more in common than just their circle of friends.

Just because someone falls into one grouping doesn't mean a relationship cannot be built. A guy can bust free of the Friend Box to enter the Potential Partner dating rink.

In fact, these types of relationships can be beneficial and more stable in many ways. There is a deeper connection via common ground from the other areas of your life.

There's a magic in knowing that someone just gets you.A former friend or co-worker may understand you in ways you never thought, giving you a more solid foundation during the awkward dating process.  

In short, don't be afraid to refile your neighbor, office mate or that friend of a friend you met at last year's Canada Day barbecue. It may be the best thing you do.

Thursday 3 July 2014

Why a Second Chance May Be Your Key to Finding True Love

I'm not going to lie. The end of a date can be a bit awkward. Do you offer them your card and leave the ball in their court? Do you ask for a second date? Do you thank your date for an awesome lunch (brunch, coffee, whatever) and leave it at that? Well, its a bit tricky and it comes down to instincts.

At this point of the date, you are in one of three places:

1) Elation: You're excited and want to see them again!
2) Not feeling it: You're convinced this person is not your match.
3) Uncertainty: Perhaps it wasn't idea, but you don't feel the urge to run away as soon as the tab is paid.

While it is clear that you should ask for a second date with the first one, perhaps you should consider tossing your hat in the ring for another round with 2 and 3.  In short, before you press the built-in rejection button, remember that you only need to determine whether you want to see them again. That's it.

While first impressions are important and your time is precious, there is a point to giving someone a second chance. A lot of people suffer from first-date jitters. In fact, fear is the number one cause for first-date disasters and often leads to over-talking or out of character shyness. Some people may show up for the encounter with residue from their day lingering in their mind. In short, their true self may not be at the first date.

Before leaving it at "Thank you. Good luck," there are two areas where you should check in with yourself.  The first is compatibility. Do you have anything in common? Enjoy the same hobby, perhaps? The second involves a quick check with your instincts. Ask yourself how they make you feel or how they treat you.  Trust your instincts. You'll be surprised how perceptive you are.

An instinctive gut feeling can draw you to Mr. or Mrs. Right even if they don't match all your criteria on paper. You probably have friends who are with partners who you never thought they'd be with.

I usually recommend two or three dates before you rule someone out completely.  By the third date, you will have enough data to make a solid assessment about the other person and their future role in your life -- even if it is nothing other than friends.

Regardless, it's important to be straightforward, however you feel about the other person. Tell them if you are interested in seeing them again or not. Most people will appreciate it when you speak your mind. Don't make false promises about what may come next if you're not into them.

Wednesday 25 June 2014

Easy Ways to Ask Someone Out on a Date

You've spent the entire evening flirting with someone. You're on fire, loving life, feeling wanted and dying to see them again. All you have to do is ask.

Asking someone out on a date should be easy, right? Yes, but it is rarely that simple. Especially if you are nervous, a bit shy or suffer from a slight case of social anxiety.

The first thing to remember is to relax. Try not to view your request as a date. Better still - take the pressure off by not even using the "D" word. The whole thing takes on a life of its own when that word appears.

While asking for a date directly has a great rate of success, sometimes an indirect route can save you some anxiety when approaching a potential love interest:

Create an Opportunity
Once you know more about what your date likes to do, you can offer an invitation. If they dig art, ask them to the latest big museum exhibition. Into sports? See if they would like to check out a CFL game the next time the Argonuts are in town.

Drop a Hint
Ask about a subject and drop a subtle invite. Say something like:

* You: What do you like to do on the weekends?
* Them: Hiking
* You: We should go hiking together sometime.

Then move on in the conversation. Ask about her favorite hiking spot. Listen carefully to her response and gauge her enthusiasm. If she stays upbeat and positive, ask her if she would like to go hiking with you next weekend.

Keep It Casual
If you are uncomfortable asking "Would you like to go to dinner Friday night?" try:

"I am going for a ride along the boardwalk on Sunday. Would you like to go?"

Posing the question as if you're already going and they can join you, if interested, will take the pressure off both of you.

Be Specific
"I'd like to take you for coffee this Thursday" is more powerful than asking if they would like to "go out sometime."

The key is to plan ahead and be specific when asking someone out on a date. Your potential date will feel much more comfortable saying yes if they know what you want to do.


Friday 13 June 2014

Single: Tips for Looking for Love Again . . . Father's Day Special: $200 Off


Each of us has our own path to travel when it comes to success in dating. You may have some circumstances that make your dating life a bit challenging. Perhaps you were recently divorced and hesitant to jump into the deep end, much less create an online profile. Or maybe scheduling dates has had some road blocks as you adjust to juggling babysitters, gymnastic practice times and little league weekend games as a single parent.

Getting back into the dating game as a single parent, can be a bit daunting. That's why we suggest that single parents make a list of what you want from a potential mate:

* In one column, list what qualities you consider "absolutely necessary" in the people you want to date. This could be "an enthusiasm and love for children."

* In the second column, consider the qualities that are "somewhat necessary." Such as "well-educated" or income levels.

* In the last column, list the qualities that are "not absolutely necessary" but may be nice.  Such as "being a fan of your favorite hockey team."

Lunch dates can be the perfect way to test the waters. The first few dates are about exploring and getting to know the other person. Seeing if the two of you click on the chemistry level.  Luncheon dates fit easily into your work schedule while the kids are in school or at day care and won't impact your home life much at the beginning.

When you are ready, and depending upon their age, it is recommended that you talk with your kids about your desire to date. Think of your honesty as a seed that will grow into their future acceptance -- even before you start dating.

Kids are an important part of your life, but don't forget to make your happiness a priority too. Give yourself the opportunity to get to know someone before you start sizing up  their parental potential.

Are you a single dad? Know a single dad? It's Just Lunch is offering $200 off its premiere membership for the month of June. Simply contact us at ItsJustLunchToronto.com or call (416-703-3900) and mention this blog post to receive the discount.

Happy Father's Day . . . and happy dating!

Wednesday 28 May 2014

Successful Dating: 6 Ways to Maximize Your Fun

The key to successful dating is to focus on enjoyment and friendship. Dating is meeting interesting people and getting to know them better. That is it. Simple, eh?

Date with the intention of making a new friend rather than expecting to meet the love of your life. You'll have more fun and it will take away some of the unnecessary pressure.  Here's a few other tips for maximizing your fun while in the dating game:

1) Approach dating as not just looking for an important relationship but as enjoying life.

2) View dating as a chance to expand your circle of friends.

3) Find innovative and unusual places to meet people.

4) Take one positive aspect away from each date. Pick a quality or characteristic that you would like in your future mate.

5) Become the person you would like to date. Use your experience as an opportunity for personal growth

6) Embrace your single status. You have the freedom to do anything you want, meet everyone you want and learn everything you can about yourself.

Keep dating light and casual. as you get to know each new person, pay attention to what you are discovering about yourself, what you want in a potential mate and what you need from a relationship. You're still learning and growing. That's what makes life and dating interesting.

Wednesday 21 May 2014

Meet Your Match This Summer: Season's Hottest Meet Spots

Meet Your Match This Summer
Now that Victoria Day has come and gone, summer is officially here. Whether you are heading out for a few martinis on the patio with friends, volunteering at the local dog shelter or taking a sunset painting class, your chances of meeting your match increase ten-fold just by getting out of the house.

Warmer temperatures and longer days translate into more options for mix and mingling with potential love interests or your new found crush. Here are a few ideas for getting out and making the most of what the season and your community has to offer:

Yard Sales/Flea Markets/Book Faires
People are clearing out their clutter in the hopes that their mess is someone else's ideal treasure. This is also a great way to mix and mingle with others as you sift through bins of interesting book titles, scraps of fabric or forgotten record stashes.

Wine Tastings & Dinners
Even if you area  wine connoisseur, tastings are a great way to network. Yet again, it is an event that reveals more about our likes and dislikes while encouraging conversation about what our taste buds are experiencing. From field trips to local wineries to an event hosted by a local restaurant, a wine tasting is a great way to mix and mingle with people who share a common love of the fermented grape.

U-Pick Berries
Nothing beats fresh fruit on a hot day. Grab your bucket and head to a nearby farm that allows you to meander through the berry patches.You never know who you may encounter while plucking blueberries of the shrub.

Food Festivals
From fried to gourmet, food festivals offer a taste for our inner foodies while providing the perfect meeting ground for potential love. Bounce from line to line and chat with the hottie standing in front of you. Its a great way to network, mix and mingle while enjoying a new dish.

Volunteering is Sexy
Volunteering is a rewarding way for you to connect with new people who share similar values while doing something positive for your community. You'll also build camaraderie as you work together on projects.  From caring for pups to pulling weeds for the elderly, find a group that inspires you.

Tennis, Anyone?
If you're a sports enthusiast, joining a league or a "learn to" class is the best ways to meet other athletic or sports-centered singles. Socializing after the match or game provides further opportunities to meet and mingle. Golf, tennis and softball are among the best sports to find successful eligible professionals.

Farmers' Markets
Usually held on the weekend, Farmers' Market is an excellent meeting place. Vendors line the sidewalks or grassy areas, selling their fresh produce, fresh baked breads or homemade creations. Its a great chance to discuss the differences between the four varieties of apples or goat versus cow cheese. There are literally thousands of conversation starters available to you. Spot someone you are interested in? Find out what they are browsing and inject your opinion or ask for theirs.

In the end, dating is a numbers game. The more potential mates you meet, the more likely it is that you will find the one. If you are hoping fate drops him/her off at your door, think again.

Getting out the door, saying hello and even starting a conversation with a stranger (although, scary, I know), is the best way to shift the odds into your favor. Summer just offers more options. Lace up your sneaks and head out there. Your one step away from love.

Wednesday 7 May 2014

Show How You Feel

It's possible to go a long time in a relationship without saying those three little words. Often, actions speak louder than words and there are many other "little things" that indicate a person's level of affection for one another.

Women tend to respond to the "little things" one does, those tidbits of information that might seem irrelevant to most men but become benchmarks in a woman's relationship. These involve remembering the song that was playing on the radio when you first kissed, her favorite color or flower.

Men respond equally to small gestures. leaving love notes under his pillow or packing  a few protein bars and a vitamin drink in his briefcase before he heads off for a long day at work can be extremely touching to a guy.

You don't have to exceed your credit limit to show your sweetheart that he or she is special to you. In the same respect, "talk is cheap" and you can throw out "I love yous" like plates at a Greek wedding, but in order for the words to really make an impact, they must be backed up with significant action.

It's important to observe the non-verbal clues in a relationship. Determining if someone is right for you lies as much in his or her actions and in what they don't do, as it does in what they say. Telling your girlfriend that you want to spend more time with her and then hitting the golf course on the weekend doesn't measure up.

Pay attention to the special things that touch your honey's heart and make an effort to introduce these into your relationship on a regular basis. It takes effort and mindfulness to create a phenomenal affinity with another person. But in the end, it is worth it.

Thursday 1 May 2014

Featured Single: Voluptuous Woman Seeks Travel Lover


A professional with an MBA, this curvy lady in her 30s enjoys the finer things of life, including theatre, dancing, travel, and wine tasting. Fond of the great outdoors, you can find her camping or hiking Maritime trails. Movies, music and dogs hold a special spot in her heart. She's searching for an educated, professional man in his 40s who loves to travel with hopes of having a family one day.

If you are seeking a serious relationship  and would be interested in meeting this amazing woman, please forward a short description of yourself and a current photo to date@ijlelite.ca.

If you are selected you will be invited to the It's Just Lunch Toronto for a personal and confidential interview with one of our Toronto matchmakers. No charge to you as fees for this search have been paid for by our client. http://www.ijlelite.ca/


Wednesday 16 April 2014

5 Things You Secretly Hope Your Date Won’t Notice

A first date is all about getting to know the other person a little bit better and walking away with a sense of whether or not you want to see them again. And, vice versa. That's it. 

However, there are times when we may not be our stellar best during that first date encounter. Here are just a few of the most common dating blunders every single secretly hopes goes unnoticed during a first date:

All Nerves
Most singles dread the idea that their date will notice how awkward or nervous they feel on the date. Know that it’s completely normal and that chances are your date is just as nervous as you, if not more. Accept this as reality, but know that it only lasts the first few moments. People need a few minutes to feel comfortable, especially if they are the shy or introverted type. Take a deep breath. Focus on a positive thought ("I'm going to rock this!" or "Here's to meeting a new friend"). 

Too Much Pre-Date Prep
Another thing singles secretly hope their date won’t ever notice is how over-prepared for they might be for their date. This is especially the case for those with a tendency to do an online search of their date before meeting them in person. For these people, the way to get over their nerves is to rehearse exactly what they want to talk about or how they are going to say certain things. Going this route can make your comments sound fake.  Our best advice, refrain from Googling your date’s name, phone number or email address in search of talking points. Instead, spend your time researching current events or how to ask open-ended questions about thinks your don't know the answer to.

Less Than Stellar Appearance
Have you ever been tempted to cancel a date when a huge pimple shows up on your face the morning of a first date? Or spilled coffee on your shirt during lunch with no change of clothes or time to go home before hand? Whether it’s minor flaws like these, an uncomfortable outfit or a bad hair day, many singles quickly become self-conscious about their appearance. Good news is -- everyone has had days like that. In fact, sharing how the stain happened or why you are missing the heel of your stilletto is a great way to break the ice and it helps create a bond between you and your date. One word of caution, it is within your best interest to avoid drawing attention to your flaws. Think of it as a job interview and stick to your best attributes and traits. 

Dining Etiquette
Many people get so used to eating comfortably in their home or around their close friends and family, it slips their mind that their date is probably watching their every move. Singles would be mortified to watch themselves shove food into their mouths in front of their blind date because they weren’t mindful of basic manners. If you really want to show how classy you are at dinner, go to YouTube, type “dining etiquette” in the search bar and watch a few of the videos that come up for tips on how to present yourself. This will not only be good for you on a date, but it will also be good to know just in case you have a big meeting with a high-profile client or very important person within your company or industry.

Fidgeting
Many singles tend to fidget during a blind date if they feel uncomfortable. They wouldn’t want to see what their date could see if their hands were shaking, playing with their hair or biting their nails out of nervousness. Fidgeting is a sign that one is not relaxed and possibly wants to leave that date as soon as possible. Being uncomfortable during a blind date can be a hard thing to hide and many would be horrified to watch themselves fidget away in front of their date. Try to relax the best you can and be aware of your body language. When you catch yourself fidgeting, trying pinching yourself as a signal to the rest of your body to cut it out.


Want more dating tips, advice and insight? Follow It’s Just Lunch on Facebook,

Wednesday 9 April 2014

Top 3 Dating Challenges For Singles

Give your dating life a makeover with a fresh start this season by tackling and tossing out your dating perceptions: making the time to date, high expectations and too narrow of a comfort zone.

Make the Time to Date:
Okay, your work comes first. But that doesn't mean you don’t have time for love or can’t handle a relationship or dating. Creating a balance between work, life, love and family is doable — no matter how busy you are.The fact is: we all make choices in life. We all do what we want. If you are putting in 60 hours a week in the professional department and logging zero in the love area, the right one will not find his way to your downtown office . . . unless your crush happens to be on the postal carrier.

The reason to make time for dating, all the hassles included, isn't because it’s fun or easy. It’s not because it’s a sure thing or that each one will be a night to remember. It’s because if you don’t, you will never find the partner you deserve. They won’t be served up to you on a platter or delivered to your office like take out.
Dating is work — but you have to put in the hours to reap the benefits.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
After working with tens of thousands of clients through the years, I have found one piece of advice that makes the biggest difference as to whether people are successful at dating or not: "Get out of your comfort zone."

This doesn't mean let go of your "deal breakers." Obviously everyone has preferences. But those characteristics or qualities you feel you "have to have" can be awfully limiting when it comes to matters of the heart.  What it leads to is dating the same type of person over and over and expecting different results. Open yourself up to connecting with people who have similar core values but different professions, backgrounds and interests. Let go of some of the "have to have" qualities and focus on what's important.

Toss Out Your Expectations
People put way to much pressure on themselves during the dating process. You meet someone and think that "This has to work out. It could be six months before I find someone else remotely interesting." Or they try to envision their date as the father of their children. A date is simply a chance to get to know another person. That's it. Simple, right? It's not a time to decide whether or not she meets every single bit of your criteria for everlasting love. It's a date!

What's holding you back when it comes to finding that special someone? Consider perhaps letting down your guard the next time you head out the door on a date. Anything is possible -- if you let it.

Wednesday 2 April 2014

Pump Up the Positivity in Your Dating Life

How do you see your dating life? Are you embracing it for all it has to offer you? Or do you see it as more of a chore, a thing you have to do to move on to the next step? How you view dating may have an impact on how it progresses.

According to Barbara Fredrickson, author of "Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive", says that "positive emotions, like all emotions, arise from HOW you interpret events and ideas as they unfold. They depend on whether you allow yourself to take a moment to find the good, and on whether, once you found it, you pump that goodness up and let it grow."

Don't confuse positivity with "Pollyanna" way of thinking. It is not unjustified "everything is okay dokey" way of thinking but rather the power of "non-negative" thinking. It is a way of seeing something as it is without applying a heavy dose of raining on your own parade. It really comes down to how you talk to yourself.

Often times in the Age of Distraction, we allow our minds to become cluttered with worries, fears, doubts and demands. Our views become narrow as we focus on the negative, creating this downward spiral of emotions. It's also contagious. Once the negativity has been unleashed, it spreads through aspects of our life. 

The flip side of that coin is that positivity and related emotions are ALSO contagious. It can set off positive vibes for you and those around you. One act can inspire another. One thought can inspire another. 

Here are a few tips for inspiring positivity in your dating life:

Stop Measuring, Start Reassuring
You are a unique person with amazing talents and characteristics. If you believe you are special, you will attract a partner who appreciates what you have to offer. Don't judge yourself or compare yourself to others. You may be comparing your B- quality to their A+, but your overlooking your A+ attribute when you do so. When you catch yourself doing it, give yourself a compliment. Turn your thought around so it highlights your strengths rather than ruminating on areas you can build upon.

Step Outside Your Boundaries
Sometimes by doing the things we have told ourselves we "can't", we can the confidence because we could. Step outside your boundaries. Join Toastmasters, take a dance class or learn improv, go horseback riding or parachuting. Push through your fears and you'll find yourself thinking "I can" next time you encounter a hurdle.

Experience & Exposure
There are two things that generate confidence and a positive spin on activities: experience and exposure. The more you do something, the better you get and the more comfortable you are doing it. By dating more, it will reinforce positive feelings about yourself and boost your confidence in your ability. 

In the end, make sure you talk to yourself as you would your best friend. Be supportive and look for aspects that are less negative. It's a growth process for everyone.

Sunday 2 March 2014

When They Don't Call

You had the most incredible first date with a person you thought had massive potential. In fact, you felt so positive about the encounter that you were willing to bet the second date would blow the first one out of the water. You couldn't quit talking about the event with your bestie while you wait . . . and wait . . . for the call that never comes.

You start to obsess, rationalize and wonder what went wrong with anyone who would listen. Did you imagine the chemistry? Perhaps there was something wrong with your hair? Did you give him the wrong digits? Maybe she lost her phone? Did you say something wrong?

Your pals are supportive and say "it's not you, it's him/her" but you still want to know why your dream date has suddenly vanished. Why ---

Stop right there. Avoid the personal blame game. Don't go down the obsession road. It's never pretty and will only take a good sized chunk of your self-confidence.

There's only one person that knows why the other person didn't call. It's not you. It's not your mother, the cat or the girl behind the coffee counter. It's the person you went out with. Drop your date one follow-up email (READ: That's one as in single, solo, once. It's not repeatedly throughout the day and at odd hours of the night). If you don't receive a response, cut your emotional ties right away and go on your merry way.

He may have lost his job, realized she's not over her last relationship, or their non-committer tendencies took over. Regardless, the key isn't to take it personally. There are billions of people on this planet, so even if there was no chemistry or connection on his/her part, who cares? There are plenty more out there. And, his/her lack of communication with you only opened the door for the right one.

I'm not going to say it isn't tough. No one likes rejection. But the true mark of successful dating isn't when they call for a second date. It's have the courage to stand up after stumbling and head back out into the field.

This brings up another issue, a causal factor, one might say. Many times, at the end of the date, one or both parties say that they've had a wonderful time and would like to do it again, sometime.  Even if they don't mean it.

As a matter of good dating etiquette, it's always better to be honest.  If you're not interested in seeing someone again, at the end of a date,  tell them it was great meeting them but that you don't feel any chemistry.  This way, no one is left wondering when you don't call.

Friday 28 February 2014

It's a Date! Where to Go?

You mustered up the courage to suggest a get-together and got a "Yes!" Congratulations!

Whether it is someone you met on the train, on a dating site or through a friend, figuring out the best place to go on a first date can be a bit daunting. You may be under the impression that you should plan something impressive or unique.

In my experience as a matchmaker, I can tell you that simple and casual is always better when you are meeting someone for the first time. Choose a place where you feel comfortable and familiar, so you don't waste time trying to figure out the lay of the land or the 14 page Japanese menu. It will allow you to relax and focus on your date.

The purpose of a first date is to get to know each other better, so it's important to find a venue that isn't too distracting or loud. You want somewhere where you can have a cozy chat without trying to outdo the sound system.

LUNCH OR COFFEE DATE
If it's a blind date or you're not sure how you feel about the person, keep it low-pressure and go for coffee, lunch or brunch. This will allow a small window for testing the waters with a clear ending for getting back to work, laundry or walking the dog.

AFTER-WORK DRINKS
This is another low-commitment, low-cost date that will allow you the option of continuing with dinner if things are going well. Or you can call it a night after one beverage, saying you have dinner plans elsewhere.

DRINKS AND DINNER
Going out for dinner is a popular option for a first date, but one I don't recommend if you don't know the person at all. Dinner puts you on the spot. If you don't click or connect, you are forced to sit and face each other while making polite chitchat while both of you would rather bolt for the door.

However, just in case you find yourself with a slight lag in conversation, here are some tips to get it flowing:

1) Keep up on current events so you can talk intelligently about major developments
2) When talking about yourself, accentuate the positive. Stick to your best attributes and the interests you're most passionate about. Notice something positive about the other person and ask about their passions
3) Ask open-ended questions that evoke a response beyond yes and no
4) Be sincere in your compliments. Don't just say something for the sake of it -- it will come off as transparent.

Good luck and happy dating!

Wednesday 19 February 2014

Are You Happy With Your Dating Life?


Dating for professional singles can be fun and fulfilling, if you are ready to face the challenges that come along with it. It may not always be like walking at the beach during sunset, but remember you can always make your own beautiful story with a unique ending.

Dating is allowing yourself to love and be loved in return; it is not always a romantic fantasy. Here are a few tips for professional singles to help improve your dating life for the better:

Keep Your Expectations Realistic
It’s okay to set higher standards for yourself, but keep in mind that no one is perfect. Emphasize your partner's good qualities by being supportive and encouraging. Be forgiving of the imperfections and be willing to make compromises. If you catch yourself stacking up hurdles in front of your potential love matches, chances are none of them will make it the finish line.

Patience Really Is a Virtue
One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is that people are just too busy to make time for each other. Set your priorities straight and find ways on how you can spend more time with your partner. Catching up on a quick lunch date or investing on a romantic weekend getaway will do wonders for your relationship. 

Be Present
Being present to whatever your beloved is going through will keep your relationship afloat all throughout the years. It will turn moments of sadness into comfort, as you will be able to share the burden of problems. Even if you are far away from each other, a text or video chat will make all the difference.

Don’t Break Promises
If you can’t fulfill a promise, don’t make one at all. Broken promises are a huge let down, so be very careful if you are making one. If you can fulfill little promises, you’ll have the strength to fulfill bigger ones. If you cannot keep a promise, it is better to not make one at all. Just be realistic and open with your partner.

Go On An Adventure
Make it a point to do something different with your partner every now and then. Go to a place you haven’t eaten before, or go on a road trip to that secluded resort you've heard of. Doing something different with your partner will refresh your senses. It will also keep the fire burning in your relationship.

Leave a Relationship When You Aren't Feeling Happy
Knowing when to let go can be one of the most difficult decisions we make involving relationships. But, if you find that the relationship is not satisfying your needs, don't wait around for things to change. If you have discussed your needs with your partner and they are not being met, consider ending the relationship. Many people stay in unhealthy relationships because they fear being alone. But, you might found yourself happier single than in a relationship that is draining you. Mr. or Mrs. Right could be right around the corner but you'll never know if you keep on dating Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.  

Do you think it's better to happy and alone or miserable with company? We vote for happy and alone until the right person finally comes along.