Give Chemistry a Second Chance

It has happened to everyone who has played the dating game.  It's the end of the date and you are lukewarm about the other person and on the fence about what to do regarding a second date. Before you write off this person as a potential match, consider giving chemistry a second chance.

Men and women, even though they try their best, often can't relax until the second date.  There's a chance that you didn't get to see who they really are because they were distracted by their own nervousness or events of the day.

In It's Just Lunch's e-book "20 Years of First Dates", one-third of surveyed singles reported that they have had a bad or lukewarm date lead to a longer term relationship. If the other person shows interest in going out again, consider saying yes.  There's a chance they see something you don't and it may pay off for both of you.

If you agree to a second date, change things up by turning the second date into a physical activity. Many people find it easier to open up and connect with someone when they are moving around.  

Looking for second date activity inspiration? In an article by Marie Claire, "51 Second Date Ideas," some of the ideas included making ice cream, going on a picnic, hitting the local bowling alley, picking fruit at a local farm, go wine tasting or visiting a museum.  Most of the suggested ideas were low on time investment but could produce giant results in the chemistry department.

A second date may be just want the two of you needed to tap into chemistry and make a more solid connection.

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Featured Single: Professional Seeks Girl-Next-Door

Are you the girl next door type who can go from jeans to ballgowns with ease and confidence? We want to hear from you.

It's Just Lunch is is seeking a tall, attractive, family-oriented and preferably brunette woman between the ages of 27 and 35 for one of our IJL Elite Private Search clients.  The ideal woman would also have an interest in fitness, strong family values and a zest for life.  A woman with her own success and motivation is considered an asset.

Our bachelor is a very successful, attractive 38 year old investor with a professional sports background.   He has a great sense of humour and an easy going personality. He loves spending time at his lake retreat and enjoying all that life has to offer.   He has a new found passion for gourmet cooking, collecting wine, and he enjoys entertaining and  spending time with friends and family.

If you are looking for a real, loving, long-term relationship with the fun loving, very attractive, down to earth 'man's man' described here,  send your response to date@ijlelite.ca with a recent pic. If you are selected you will be invited to the It's Just Lunch Toronto  for a personal and confidential interview with one of our Toronto matchmakers. No charge to you as fees for this search have been paid for by our client.

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Debunking Dating Myths, Part 1: Setting Expectations

For anyone going on a first date, there are lots of initial questions that can pop into one’s head, ranging from “will I be attracted to them in person?” to “what kind of plans should I make tonight?” It’s Just Lunch recently surveyed singles around the world to get a sense for the “state of the first date”.

Heightened expectations
Do looks really matter? Most people have natural attractions toward others based on hair color, skin color, body types, and so on. Even though we’re constantly inundated with images of sexy celebs and other attractive figures, most of the time we have a general idea of the type of person we like. Some people may have a specific type, while others are a little broader in their perspective—and having a firm opinion either way is a good thing!

However, we did ask both men and women a simple question that seems to come up time and time again. Does height really matter?  The results aren’t surprising. Typically, two out of three men want to date women who are shorter than they are, and they believe women want the same thing. Ladies, you overwhelmingly responded that you’d like to date guys who are taller, and believe men are on the same page. So what’s the takeaway if we all already knew this? Guys, do not fib about your height before going on a date. Adding an inch or two (no pun intended) really won’t help your cause, from a statistical standpoint.

However, when it comes to sheer attractiveness, women may not have guys figured out after all. We separately asked men and women if guys prefer looks to brains. Most women believe they do. However the guys told a different story: a majority of men would date someone who is smart over someone who just brings a pretty face to bring to the table. Ladies, use the power of wit and confidence to overwhelm your guy on a date.  Trust us, he’ll appreciate it.

The Money Question
When it comes to money, this question comes up on a date both directly and indirectly (and we’ll cover the direct part in a second.) According to our survey, both men and women candidly agreed that they want the other to make more money, which kind of brings us to an impasse. However, from what we can deduce, this isn’t about who brings home a larger paycheck. This is simply a matter of being on equal footing. While it’s nice to be able to pay for dinner or treat someone to an outing, it’s also nice to get some reciprocity once in a while.

On that note, our survey results revealed that seven out of ten women don’t always want the guy to pay the bill—and guys believed the same thing. Picking up the tab is certainly a nice gesture on a first or second dinner date, but it often isn’t required. The way we see it, if the guy picks up a tab at dinner; ladies, if you’re clicking along and having fun, treat him to an after dinner drink. Guys, if your date kindly insists on splitting the bill at dinner and you’re heading out for more fun, pick up her movie or drink tab later in the night.

To close out Part 1 of our survey, we asked both men and women the following question: “would women rather have champagne and lobster or burgers and a beer.” Again, the results were pretty clear on both sides, with 71% of men and an 82% of women responding that burgers and beers trump lobster and bubbly on a first or second date. Why? Simply put, the point of dating is to get to know someone. While it’s certainly important to impress, a nice yet casual dinner puts both men and women at ease and allows both personalities to emerge naturally. Head to a fancy restaurant, and you might not be as open as you think. Relaxed confidence is always sexy, so be human when you’re starting out and you might just click with your date better than you initially think.

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Real Chemistry Happens Face-To-Face

Dating can be complicated in today's modern world.  Busy professionals have a demanding work environment and daily commitments that make it difficult to find time for dinner -- let alone browsing online profiles, cruising the bars or enduring yet another blind date.

While technology makes communication easier, it doesn't necessarily make it easier to date, and a group of U.S. psychology professors released a report last week explaining why there is no substitute for face-to-face connections.

According to the review published in this month’s issue of the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest, online dating has three key services: expansion of one's dating pool, the ability to communicate with a potential partner prior to meeting them in person and the service selecting a match based upon an algorithm.  

The key assumption, according to the report, is that two people will experience better romantic outcomes "because the individuals are more romantically compatible from the start."

But Eli Finkel, psychology professor at Northwestern University and one of the  authors, says the typical online dating site doesn't improve one's chance of meeting a compatible mate for you can't judge chemistry. According to the report, the sites may be able to predict who appeals to an individual "in a profile but not necessarily in person." 

Finkel said in a recent article about the report, "There's no better way to figure out whether you're compatible with somebody than talking to them over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer."

And Jacquie Brownridge, director of It's Just Lunch in Toronto, Vancouver and Victoria, couldn't agree more.  

"You don't make a genuine connection with someone through texting.  But when you meet someone in person and share a meal, you see how they interact with you and the people around you," said Brownridge. "That's where true chemistry happens. Face-to-face and person-to-person."

From an article of February 2012 Women's Health Magazine, "Feeling a spark on a first date has less to do with looks and more to do with how at easy your feel, according to a recent survey of 5,000 singles by dating service It's Just Lunch." 

According to the IJL survey, 66% of singles say that on a first date, chemistry is more important to them than compatibility.  But what do they mean by chemistry?  Though 20% are sparked by physical attractiveness, and 7% by flirty or sexy banter, the clear winner is neither of those. Instead, it’s “feeling comfortable together,” the answer selected by 44% of the singles -- and surprisingly 49% of men.

When asked what people look for in terms of measuring the success of a first date, the number one item, with 45% of the vote, was “I felt comfortable being myself.”

Comfortable is definitely the magic word. There are things you can do to make someone feel more comfortable. But there is only so much you can do. There’s also a mysterious side to being comfortable with somebody that has nothing to do with any action you can take. It’s just . . . chemistry.

And, as we stated before, that can only happen face-to-face.


Sources:

• Report: Psychological Science in the Public Interest
• Article:  Online Cupids May Miss The Mark
• Article: Report: Online dating isn't the likely route to Mr. or Ms. Right

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Times Colonist: Single Best Reason For Valentine's Day

Are modern lovers overlooking the single best reason for Valentine's Day? An article by Times Colonist reporter Richard Watts says "It's one thing to say "I love you" with a valentine. But it can be powerfully romantic to use Valentine's Day to say "I am interested in you" or "I am still interested in you.""

In this day and age when online courtship has become a popular way to find one's match, technology has removed a lot of the person-to-person connection.

However, Watts' article states that "introductions through friends still remains the largest way couples meet. Fully 28% of couples, the biggest single category, report being introduced through friends."  Watts also stated that "meetings in bars and restaurants are a start for more couples than the Internet, with about 23 per cent."

This reinforces the It's Just Lunch belief that real chemistry happens face-to-face. 
"You can chat back and forth online," said Jacquie Brownridge, managing director of Just Lunch, a 20- introductory service operating in Victoria, Vancouver and Toronto, in the article.

"But when you actually sit down across from somebody at a table, look them in the eye and you have a conversation, see their body language, you either connect or you don't," said Brownridge in the article.

Looking to connect with your partner this Valentine's Day?  Make an investment in your significant other and your relationship by selecting a gift or activity you both can enjoy.  


"It would be nice if we did this all day and every day, but at least there is Valentine's Day that tells you to stop, smell the roses and let the other person know you appreciate them," Brownridge said in the article.

Read the entire article. 

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Dating, Chemistry and Timing

After interviewing a lot of single men and women on their dating experiences, It’s Just Lunch managed to get some real, inside information on what men and women are really looking for when they meet someone for the first time. We’ve offered tips on making a good first impression, flirting and wordplay, and tips for both sexes on what they expect out of someone on a first date. However, through all the tips and tricks, sometimes it just comes down to chemistry and timing. So what are those two seemingly nebulous yet important parts of a date? 

You Can’t Force Chemistry… But You Can Coax It Along
So what is chemistry? Most people aren’t sure exactly what it is, but they know it when they feel it. If you have good chemistry with someone, such as on a first date, you’ll want to pursue more time with him or her. If there is bad chemistry, then it’s unlikely you’ll want to see each other again. Whatever the case, most singles – almost 66% of our respondents – said that chemistry is the single most important part of a first date; more so than even initial compatibility. While a couple may not be perfect on paper, a first date may reveal a lot more than what is in a profile. In fact, almost 44% of singles said that if they “felt comfortable being themselves” it meant the first date was a success. And listen up, ladies: 49% of men said that being able to feel comfortable as themselves on a first date was a sure sign of a good one.

 On occasion, there will be times where a first date will reveal no chemistry whatsoever. While this isn’t a bad thing, it might mean that one person wasn’t comfortable opening up, or perhaps there was mutual defensiveness on both sides. Again, while you can’t necessarily force chemistry, you can take some of the tips we have covered on www.itsjustlunchvancouverblog.com to help coax it in the right direction.

Confidence Has A Lot To Do With Interviewing… That, and Timing
The comparison may seem a little cold, but let’s face it: first dates are very much like interviews. Exude confidence, be comfortable in your own skin, be interested and kind to your first date, and chances are you’ll get a second one. However, there is a window in which most people decide on whether or not they’ll want to see someone again. According to our respondents, 44% of women and 46% of men decide within the first twenty minutes whether or not a second date is in the cards. The good news is that since a previous survey in 2004, both men and women are gradually deciding later and later in the date as to whether or not they want to see each other again. For example, in 2004, almost 80% of guys decided whether or not to take a woman out again within the first 15 minutes!

Dating Material or Relationship Material?
If the chemistry and compatibility is right, most men and women start thinking about when they want see each other again. However, are they merely thinking about a second date, or are they thinking about a relationship? Hold on to your hats, guys: 45% reflected on a first date and then asked yourselves, “Is she relationship material?” On the other hand, almost 51% of women are more likely to consider whether they want a second date or not, while 39% asked themselves if a guy was relationship material.

Even though it seems a lot can happen within the first hour of a date that makes a single decide whether or not they want to see someone again, the best thing to do is just slow it down. Dating, and much like the relationships that can follow, are marathons; not sprints. With all the complex intricacies that can occur on in a first date, it’s tough to expect perfection. If we let our guards down a bit and relax, have fun, be comfortable in our own skin and make our dates comfortable in theirs, you’ll never know what kind of surprises you’ll discover.

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Glamour Mag Reveals Why Valentine's Day is Not Just For Ladies

Based upon an It's Just Lunch survey debunking Valentine's Day myths released earlier this month, Glamour magazine has reveals why the "Hallmark Holiday is more mutual than you might think."

The It's Just Lunch surveyed over 750 single men and women about Valentine's Day.  While many singles may view the days as "couples only" or even disparage it as a "Hallmark holiday," the survey suggested that many see the 14th as a day to try something new or even expand one's dating boundaries.

The article states that "rather than the dude taking it upon himself to plan the special day, 54% believe that the couple should plan the date together."

The article went on to highlight  that "a larger percentage of women said the best gift would be a certificate for an activity that both parties can enjoy together."

While going out is popular, one date idea is to cook the Valentine's Day meal together.
 
It's Just Lunch Toronto director Jacquie Brownridge suggests making a dish from a favorite vacation destination, homemade pizzas where you combined each of your favorite toppings or a recipe that reminds you of one of the first restaurants you visited.

Use the shared time in the kitchen to turn up the heat in your relationship. This is the time for you to interact on a personal level with your partner and even flirt a bit.   Be a good listener, make meaningful eye contact, smile, laugh, touch your partner and enjoy your time with your other half.

So, what are your plans for Valentine's Day?

Read the full article.

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IJL Survey Reveals Valentine's Day Pitfalls

Who Plans the Date? What’s the Ideal Gift? Men and Women Disagree

If you’re a man who intends to arrange your Valentine’s Day festivities without consulting your date, you might want to change your plans, according to a new survey by It’s Just Lunch. And if you’re one of the rare guys who want to leave the whole thing up to your girlfriend, that’s not a good move either.

When the specialty dating service asked over 750 singles, “Who’s supposed to plan Valentine’s Day?”:

• 56% of women thought it should be the couple together while 42% picked “the guy”.
• For men, 48% said “the guy” and “the couple together” was a close second at 47%

But women clearly don’t want to plan February 14th on their own: About half a percent thought that “the girl” should make Valentine’s Day plans, which may come as a surprise to the 5% of men who chose that answer.

“Most people aren’t mind-readers,” says Jacquie Brownridge, spokesperson for It’s Just Lunch and director of the Toronto office. “Talk about the holiday before you decide who plans the date.”

There were also significant gaps between the sexes when it comes to “the best Valentine’s gift.”The top answer for women, chosen by 38%, was a “gift certificate for an activity we can do together.” Only 21% of men selected that answer.   Men’s top gift ideas were flowers, chosen by 43% of men, but only 31% of women.

“Togetherness seems to be the key for most women, both in planning the holiday and with regard to the gift they receive,” says Brownridge. “Men just need to be smart enough to choose something their dates enjoy as much or even more than they do.”

It’s Just Lunch is a personalized dating service for busy professionals. The company has coordinated over two million dates for clients since opening in 1991. IJL minimizes the stress and maximizes the efficiency of dating by sending people on casual, no-pressure dates over lunch, brunch or drinks after work. IJL’s team of dating specialists, not a computer, performs the matchmaking.   The company has over 150 locations in the US, Canada and internationally.

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Skip Logging On & Log Some Quality Time

It's Just Lunch helps busy professionals make the most of their mid-day breaks, according to "The Rules of Engagement" article in the February 2012 Canada edition of Reader's Digest.  "The pros take care of the compatibility question, scheduling and restaurant reservations; you just show up with an appetite and an open mind," the article said about the face-to-face value of It's Just Lunch's Canada offices.

Right now is the best time to try something new.  According to a recent survey conducted by It's Just Lunch, many singles see Februrary 14th as a day to try something new or even expand beyond one's dating boundaries.  Over 83% of respondents said they would accept a first date request if it falls on Valentine's Day,and over 70% said they would be open to being set up on a blind date.

When it comes to first dates, It's Just Lunch is the one to count on to get the ball rolling.  Over the past 20 years, we have helped thousands of busy professionals in over 100 locations worldwide find a fresh approach to dating. 

So, what do our clients have in common? They have made a decision to change their approach to dating and made a simple phone call.   Why not be one of them?  Call It's Just Lunch today at 604-633-9980 (Vancouver and Victoria) or 416-703-3900 (Toronto) and start dating tomorrow.

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It’s Just Lunch Dating Survey Debunks Valentine’s Day Myths

A recent research questionnaire by It’s Just Lunch revealed a number of interesting trends on dating preferences and expectations for single men and women on Valentine’s Day.
It’s Just Lunch surveyed 627 men and women on a range of topics from gift-giving and date planning to first dates and blind dates. While people may see Valentine’s Day as “couples only” holiday or even disparage it as a “Hallmark holiday,” the survey suggested that many singles see February 14^th as a day to try something new or even expand beyond one’s dating boundaries.

“Our ability to be interconnected, whether it’s through social media, the Internet, or even through a matchmaking service allows men and women to gain a better understanding of what the opposite sex other looks for,” said Irene LaCota, a spokesperson for It’s Just Lunch. “Our research through this survey aligned with these trends.”

Over 83% of respondents said they would accept a first date request even if it falls on Valentine’s Day, and over 70% said they would be open to being set up on a blind date.  Even though many respondents feel that date-planning responsibility still lies with men, a majority (54%) believes that a couple should plan the date together.

Flowers remain a Valentine’s Day staple, with almost 38% of respondents saying a bouquet is the perfect gift. However, with social deals and online gift certificates becoming more popular over the past few years, almost 33% of men and women said a gift for an activity that a couple can do together is rising in popular. What’s out in 2012? Chocolate, with a meager 7% of respondents saying it’s an excellent gift idea.

While answers from both men and women aligned with each other, one idea differed: 57% of men said they do not feel pressure to find a date for Valentine’s Day, but 52% of women said they do feel pressure to either date or be dating on Valentine’s Day.

How are you spending your Valentine's Day?  Post your comments on our Facebook page.

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Valentine's Day Guide to Finding a Dating Service

Is Cupid’s aim a bit off for you?  Thinking about turning to a dating service to redirect Cupid’s arrow in time for Valentine’s Day?

It’s Just Lunch, Vancouver’s premier matchmaking service, and director Jacquie Brownridge are offering tips for singles looking for a dating service.

Before You Start Your Search

Contemplating getting into the dating scene?  There are a few things a person should consider before beginning the search for a dating service.

• Know What You Want From a Dating Service
  Most dating services have the same goal – to get singles in touch with one another.  From speed dating to matchmaking, each service has its own unique spin or niche market.  Make sure you know the type of person you are searching for and find the service that fulfils your requirements
• Do Your Homework
  Do a little research before signing up or posting a profile.  The best way to learn more about a company is to read their privacy policy and “About Us” sections of their websites. 
• Dating Frame of Mind
  No matter the type or organization, dating is an investment of your time, energy and emotions.  Take stock of your life and what you have going on before committing.

Before You Join A Dating Service

You’ve narrowed down your options and selected the agency that will fit your dating needs.   The following is a list of questions you should ask ANY dating service before signing on the dotted-line:

• How long have you been in business? 
• What is your track record?  How do you define success? 
• Do you have special training? Qualifications? Awards?
• How many active members?
• What is the average age of your members? Ratio between men and women?
• If you live outside the metro area, ask how many members live in your area. 
• How do they select dates? 
• Ask the agency to put in writing the minimum number of introductions you will receive.  
• Ask the price before you attend an interview.

Dating 2.0: Matchmaking with a Modern Twist
It's Just Lunch specializes in matching busy professionals who would love to date but barely have the time for dinner -- let alone browsing online profiles, cruising the bars or enduring yet another blind date.

It's Just Lunch, with over 20 years of service and over 100 locations, minimizes the stress and maximizes the efficiency of dating by sending single professionals on casual, no-pressure dates over lunch, brunch or drinks after work.

It’s Private:  We respect your personal life.  You choose when you are ready to reveal your personal information to your date.  There are no online profiles and all of your information remains confidential.

It’s Real: IJL believes real chemistry happens face-to-face.  From the interview to the date, you will be meeting real people.  With IJL, you are guaranteed to go out on real dates with real people. 

It’s Personal: Our matches are selected by hand, not by a computer.  IJL’s award-winning matchmakers get to know their clients personally so they can make informed, intuitive matches.   We also feature relationship coaching and date feedback.

It’s Convenient:  We arrange a casual lunch or drinks after work that fits into both of your schedules.  We even choose the restaurant you’ll both enjoy and make the reservation.

It’s Flexible: For the busy executives who spend time in both Toronto and Vancouver, It’s Just Lunch offers a dual-membership for both regions.

It’s Time:   The only thing you have to lose is your single life. 

It’s Just Lunch is dating simplified.  We take care of the stressful, annoying and time-consuming parts of dating -- leaving the fun parts for you.

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